All’s Well That Drinks Well
A Lost Shakespeare Play
Psmith: Hail and good tidings, whither goest thou?
Young Emsworth: Forsooth, I knowest not, for on the morrow must take I: my woulds-be bride, her most honorable parents and divers other personages of note to a suitable bacchanal, whereupon shalst I be doubtless exposed as a low born, mendacious poltroon
Psmith: What problem, arises, hath thy not suitable coin to fund these wanton festivities?
Young Emsworth: Ah, were but purse the salient issue! Fortune smiles on me in this province, as I am well endowed with worldly goods.
Psmith: Then gird thy manly loins, supply meat and wine and non-shall be amiss.
Young Emsworth: Ah boon comrade, thou meanest well, but thou knowest not the depths of my confusion, anguish and mortification
Psmith: Say on stout fellow, I shall attend most closest and offer suitable counsel
Young Emsworth: Alas and lack a day, of the wine of the grape I am as ignorant as a bootless, petulant schoolboy vainly attempting discourse on portents beyond his narrow ken.
Psmith: Sayest ye not further, the solution is resolved as clearly as the sun brightly rising on a cloudy morn.
Young Emsworth: Mercy, maketh not churlish sport of my sorry un-manning.
Psmith: Nay sport, but welcome, honest discourse- there is newly arrived in London Town a noble personage named Gil of the Moor. He discourses on wine with the consummate ease of rare expertise, honestly gained. A brief submission to his tutelage shall gain thee a kingdom of knowledge of the fruit of the vine.
Young Emsworth: Tis true as thou statest?
Psmith: Forsooth, tis true indeed. Now makest thee haste to Ye Olde King’s Inn, he commences his vinous symposium ere the sun makes its noble descent from the heavenly orb.
Young Emsworth: Hail fellow well met, thou hath givith me the heart of a lion and the sublime pleasure of a tender maiden in first blush of amorous affection. I now percievith that I shall gloriously riseth from the ashes of my winter’s discontent to be an Instant Wine Insider and thusly “Never fear a wine list again”.
