My name is John Watson MD and I can now reveal for the first time the mystery that had confounded the best minds of Great Britain. One chilly November evening, I had been soaked to the dregs from a blustery storm on a damp, foggy, tempestuous London night. I stumbled into the mutual lodgings of myself and Mr. Sherlock Holmes, the worlds’ foremost consulting detective, at 221B Baker Street. Holmes was finishing his nightly intake of a massive overdose of cocaine, while also pensively playing his priceless Stradivarius violin.

“Good evening ladies and germs. (rimshot) Ah, look at this crowd, just look at this crowd. It’s great to see you all here tonight, looking so happy and alive. The last time I saw people having such a good time was when they turned off the lights at Milstein’s Brothers Funeral Home and everybody settled down for a good rest."

Call me Ishmael, or don’t bother to call me Ishmael, I disappear into the third person fairly quickly into the narrative. I had come to the great inland port city of Chicago in quest of my deepest flowing desire: the ultimate journey to find The Great White Wine.

My name, well it really doesn’t matter, but it is time to tell the unvarnished and honest truth. I was born Emily Livingston, in a small town in the upper Midwest. I wished to better my somewhat dismal prospects, so I left my bucolic hometown and went first to State University and then to the complex metropolis of Chicago, the beating epicenter of the American Heartland.

Young Emsworth: Hail fellow well met, thou hath givith me the heart of a lion and the sublime pleasure of a tender maiden in first blush of amorous affection. I now percievith that I shall gloriously riseth from the ashes of my winter’s discontent to be an Instant Wine Insider and thusly “Never fear a wine list again”.

Ah, the bright sunlit days of my impeccable, iridescent, innocent youth when I first discovered vinous pleasures that confounded my ethereal senses - while still delivering earthly delights that fixated my slightly post-adolescent astonishment on the eternal recurring themes.

After 40 years and hundreds of billions of dollars, the top-secret Alpha Star Watch Program had finally succeeded in contacting alien life from another galaxy. With a gleam in all three eyes he said: “There is intelligent life on Earth! I had also heard that mastery of this wondrous beverage involved tedious and time-consuming rituals, but after this marvelous class I am fully prepared to be an Instant Wine Insider and: ‘Never Fear a Wine List Again’”.

This case was tougher than an alley fight with Boom Boom Mancini. My girl Velma- who means more to me than even my autographed Richie Zisk White Sox Jersey- had her birthday coming up fast and I needed to take her to a class joint and celebrate good and proper.

Troubles with bubbles? Here is a basic fact sheet that will help you to “Never fear a wine list again™.” If you have further questions about sparkling wine – or any other types of wine – feel free to contact us.